Dr. Bob: “President Romney and America, Inc.?”

Dear Dr. Bob,

I’m a campaign manager and my candidate is constantly being asked her opinion of Mitt Romney. She doesn’t like negative campaigning and does not want to say anything ugly about him. That said, she’s a strong Democrat. We’re prepping her for a debate. What can she say?

Words for her Mouth

Dear Mouth,

First, there is no reason why her refusal to be “negative” has to be a problem as there are plenty of positive things she can say about the GOP presidential nominee. This is especially true when it comes to his business background with Bain Capital.

Now, before the ‘old Dr. gets hate email, that does not mean an endorsement.

But lets try looking at it this way.

Mr. Romney proved to be particularly adept at the business of turning failing companies (and even not so failing ones) into profits for himself and his clients. So let’s give him credit for that and just look ahead to what a “President Romney” would mean for the country:

First, he would try to turn a profit. Not a surplus, mind you, but a true profit. As President, naturally, he would receive a bonus for his success and his major clients, those in the top 1%, would profit handsomely.

Second, lets give him credit for his business creativity. Exactly how does a president turn a profit with a country? From a Bain Capital perspective, its not rocket science.

It starts with the takeover. That begins with Romney’s election and is in full force with his transition team of accountants, attorneys and Wall Street executives. Next, he and his team start looking for areas of the “America,Inc.” that can be spun off and sold or looted and allowed to go belly-up. That’s where the real creativity comes into focus.

Let’s take California, for example. It is highly unlikely that Mr. Romney is going to win California,  so the state’s value to him is relatively small. But that just makes it valuable as a spin off. California, of course, is a big state and Romney has a home — the one with the automobile elevator, in the southern portion. Given the Bain model, the new administration would likely prefer to sell off Northern California and keep the South. Not one to give anything way, however, it is probable that Mr. Romney would want to retain the rights to all profits from the marijuana industry.

Similarly, before the breakup, the Administration would move to relocate Silicon Valley’s high tech sector. A state like Arizona would make a good home because it’s so dry and is a likely win state for Mr. Romney. Should it turn “blue” the plan could be easily altered to move that branch of the business to Kansas.

Next up is Hawaii. Team Romney is very likely to invite bids from countries like China and Japan. We might expect different deals from either one. China might want to forgive a portion of our debt in exchange for our island state, making America’s balance sheet look much better. Japan, by contrast, might be a more aggressive suitor given it’s past interest in the property. One can imagine Mr. Romney and his Senior Executives  sitting in the White House Board Room reviewing the offers. “Hey, they’ve wanted it so much for so long, let’em have it,” says the President.

Mr. Trump, Vice-President for Real Estate Acquisitions, moves to sweeten the deal by suggesting that they toss in Guam saying  “I never saw much use for the place anyway.”

And on it goes. Parts and pieces of America are packaged up and sold off in order to make the country more lean and profitable. New Mexico is sold back to Mexico. Texas might have been included in the New Mexico deal, but that falls apart when a group of Texas investors makes a counter offer to purchase the state making the Republic of Texas its own country. Israel gets a terrific deal buying both the New York and Miami metro areas. Michigan is traded off to Canada…oops, that deal would be nixed by Mr. Romney for sentimental reasons, but Massachusetts would be discounted and auctioned off. The President never really liked the place, anyway.

So you see, Mouth, your candidate can offer very positive comments about Mr. Romney what his presidency would be like. With not a single negative word.

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About Bob Grossfeld

Bob is a longtime political & public affairs strategist. Based in Phoenix, AZ he spends a great deal of his time doing guerrilla therapy for his fellow Arizonans before they succumb to the state's lunacy. The media calls on him frequently to help explain Arizona politics with a straight face.
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